How many different ways of anger can there possibly be? Some ways can just down right be unjust at time and without purpose or meaning as to why something has bitten into your conscience so hard that you express you displeasure. But as for me, my anger had been a problem since I entered High School about 5 years or so back. I did go through somewhat of an Anger Management Course that did help subside the attitude that I had no control over. But today it had emerged just as forceful as ever and with thanks to Mark it wasn't able to take me through my better thought.
When you have an apartment and you sign the lease, you are supposed to honor the lease and the terms of the lease, not as if you had your own house where anything goes. In this lease of mine there is a 400-500$ pet deposit on all animals. That is money that me or my roommate's do not have and don't intend to spend. A simple visit for a few hours would be acceptable i'm sure as long as it wasn't something you were caught for keeping. Unfortunately I had ran into somewhat of a flaw in the thinking of my roommate's and I. About a few weeks or so back one of my roommate's had brought his dog over for I would say and hour or two. Not a big deal right? But he had been seen by the so called "Associate" living underneath our complex. This had turned into a report to the landlord that we had been made aware of and under penalty of this happening again we would have to spend 500$ extra on our monthly rent to have a manditory pet deposit. So we had vowed for it to not happen again.
Today as i woke up this morning my roommate had said it was his dog's birthday and that she would be over for a few hours and be going home or to the park with his girlfriend. I had left for the day to my Grandmother's house to watch some football and eat turkey all the live long day. As the clock had came around to about 5 or so in the afternoon, we had plan's to go check in and put a deposit down on a Television that we were interested in buying. Mark had been with me but Trever was nowhere to be found at the time, as I had pulled in the parking lot earlier though it was then where I saw my anger flash before my eyes. A short, pudgy, older man most likely in his 50's or so had approached me with a polo shirt that had the name of our apartment complex plated on his chest. He had asked me if I had a pet deposit or if I was getting one. I kindly replied I do not have any pet's to keep and at that moment he began getting more broad with his tone towards me. He had seen my roommate and his girlfriend bring the dog into the house for several hours that day. As I took the verbal beating that I had not gotten since I was caught throwing a party at my mom's house when I was 16, Everything blanked out for an instant as a furious storm had taken over my body. I had marched upstairs after the man had told me that there was a potential 500$ charge going to our rent for unknowingly having the dog over that we were not aloud to have.
Venting to Mark was probably the best thing for me in that situation, anyone else I would most likely have punched there head off of their shoulder's. As he came back (with the dog) and his girlfriend I had told him what had just happened. As I told him the story I had just posted above he expressed the control he had after saying he had talked with one of the leasing women down in the office. I told him about the man who had told me this information and he quickly went to the leasing office to talk to the landlord. At this time the office had been closed, and Mark and I had been running late to go check in on the Television we were planning on buying so we had jumped in my car and left to go see it. He had said that we lied and that he talked to the girl's and they said it was perfectly fine, Little did he know that we knew the office closed at 4 in the afternoon on Sunday's. Mark and I had decided that we needed to cool down and not come home for awhile after that fearing that we might do something a little more physically drastic then yelling.
We had gone down Mill Street where the man with the TV for sale on Craig's list had lived. It was a small brick house with a redneck type front yard with broken instruments. When we had met the man that I had talked to over the phone about it I was shocked to see that he was skeptical in appearance. With a bald head and big red beard and freckles he had completely shocked me when over the phone he had sounded like nothing more then a mere boy. Mark and I had followed him into one of the messiest houses I had ever laid eye's on. Hardwood floors covered in must and decay from old food and rotting material. But the one bright spot was the 60" Sony HDTV that we had our eyes set on and it was beautiful. Handed down to him by his rich friends parent's, he said he could no longer afford the power bill with it so he had to sell it. I had given him 80$ for a deposit so that he would not sell it to any other takers and after that Mark and I had quickly taken off and went to get a bite to eat.
We had went to 7/11 first to get the buffalo chicken Fajita's. They did not have any on the shelf though, so we had decided that Carl's JR was the next best decision for us. We both ordered Number 4's with criss cut fries and Dr. Peppers. Looking for a place to go we ended up going to play Phase 10, a very fun card game, at my buddies house with his roommate and their friend. We played for several hours before finally coming home to a quiet house.
Now those of you who have read this might be wondering why we hadn't gone to the Neighbor girls house right across the street to relieve stress by kicking back some drinks. But that was not the case for Myself. The night before we had some people over to hang out and watch some movies or play some video games. For the first time she had been drinking in the same area of me. Quite the funny sight if you ask me. At first there had been no hostility between the two of us, just a few traded stares and faint words that were meaningless at that point. The thought in my head though was that through everything she still had an amazing vibe coming off her and she was gorgeous as always. Through the night though some jokes turned into more jokes which turned into Rude replies which had turned into dirty stares which had resulted in me going back next door as to avoid any hostile action's. She had come over saying she would buy the beer and I was unselfish enough to buy a case for each house. As she came in the sweet vibe had turned bitter and the tension had swelled as if a bee had just stung my heart. I asked her to not start anything and that I was not in the mood to deal with any antics and she began rambling at me about how I had been being rude to her that night. Now I will admit to not being pleasant, But I do feel I did not deserve the treatment that I had been given by her. As I left to go buy beer because she had decided she would not do it for me I had been getting text messages from her telling me that that I do this shit all the time and asking what my problem was. I can't remember all the texts written but I just know my night had been ruined by them for arguing with this girl. While playing Phase 10 she had sent me a text message asking me what I was up too. I had told her and she had acted like the sweetheart I had gotten to know little by little.
In no attempt to be rude at all I had told her that we should talk about what happened later on because I was still frustrated about the dog in the apartment. She had gone to go see a friend so she had something to do and I didn't feel bad about leaving her hanging. She did though text Mark asking him why I was still mad at her. To be quite honest I don't think this whole time it has been me being mad at her though. I felt anger today and its not what I feel when this whole scenario occurs between the two of us. I would more describe it as a combination of Jealousy and Frustration. The all too familiar sting of wanting what you can't have so to speak. Any advice I could give to myself would be to let the situation play out if you have the will power and patience that so many people lack today. But at the same time you cannot let pass something that you desire. And that the pursuit of Happiness always has its slips and falls and the only way to get what you deserve is to see how many more times you are willing to fall before you fall into something you have needed and wanted all along. Maybe this girl isn't what is intended for me, I could very well possible be falling into another trap planted along my path, But in this short life I go for what I want no matter what the cost and make myself go past the limit to get back up and try try again.
After this I believe there is a change in hand for myself. Not drastic but noticeable by the one's who have known me best. Change never had to be a bad thing, just something you had to be willing to work on to make yourself work out for the best. That will be all for tonight
Thank you all who have been reading up until now. Keep reading for me please.
With love. Steve.
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