So a priest, a rabbi and Steve walk into a brothel ...

... and Steve is the only one that doesn't get laid.

And I feel like I'm Steve right now, sitting in the lobby with a bunch of whores that refuse to sit on my cock.

Story of my life.

That being said, I guess I should introduce myself. I'm Danny. I'm smarter and better looking than anyone else in this house, but never get laid while I'm over here. I think it's because the bitches that are here - the seven of them, or so - have the combined IQ of a donkey.

A crack baby donkey.

So here is how tonight is going to work. Steve and I are going to go back and forth, taking turns writing a few paragraphs each. We're writing in real time - meaning that we each write about things as they are happening. Right now it is 11:19 p.m., so lets see where the night takes us.

Steve:
Danny unfortunately for me is a writer for the newspaper that "nobody cares about" so he has some experience. He drinks heavily and sleeps with fat girls and occasionally attempts to urinate on them.

He currently is trying to show all the rookie drinkers how to shotgun a beer because I can give him credit for being an outstanding drinker. Most of the night will probably consist of me and him making fun of each other in an attempt to establish the more masculine dominance over the other. Such as when I had picked him up earlier and we had the conversation of me coming back to town and talked of when I turned 21 and went to the bars. I told him I would be the bronze and he would be the brains and he had said to me, "Yes, They will be able to see that" which as much as it offended me had been a brilliant burn.

By the way, he lost the shotgun to a couple of girls.

Danny:
"You're like a salmon - emotionally."

"You're prettier than a salmon. Like a turtle."

First time I've said either of those sentences out loud was about 20 minutes ago. It's 11:52 right now and I just finished one of the weirdest conversations I've had all week (expect for last night when I had to explain to some other girl how - and why - I've slept with as many girls as I have). It was with Jesse.

So anyway, there is this girl here. I think her name is Jesse. She wants my nuts. Why? Because she is a woman and women want my nuts.

All women want my nuts. I am God.

This Jessi girl thinks I'm creepy. Makes sense. I could see that. But her reasoning for me being creepy is that I always invite her roommate to sit on my cock. Shit. Jesse can sit on my cock too if she wants. Me, her and her roommate can have a fucking orgy as long as the beer doesn't run out and I realize what they look like sober.

Stupid fucking whores!

Steve:
I can't believe the conversation that I just saw take place from the living room of my house between Danny and Jesse. It might have been the funniest conversation I have witnessed.

At the same time she is still a girl that is caught on my mind a lot of the time. I can't speak much of it because I'm an idiot, but it is the truth.

I have Danny's back through thick and thin though. If something happens with the ex boyfriends coming over and trying to fight Danny then Matt and I have his back 100%. It would be no contest if Danny had fought by himself by throwing somebody over a ledge and ending there life.

We are bout to get get another 24 pack of keystone light and attempt to get drunker as me and Danny get ready to get up early in the morning to go about certain duties that we have. But we don't really care at this point in time, we are just going to keep drinking until the sun comes up and have ourselves a good time and see if we can't sleep with some of the girls that are over here at the moment.

Danny:

Steve:

So I had to cut off Danny to tell you about this girl over here at the moment. Her name is Brittany, and yes I had slept with her recently. She is a fairly cool girl but had made a somewhat harsh joke saying she would vomit in my presence. I keep holding it over her head and tormenting not only her but myself when I make fun of her for the past experiences we have had. I'm about 10 beers deep at this point so my writing quality has probably dropped as well as my sensible quality as I have allowed Matt to drive my Nissan to go get some alcohol with Danny.

We have been sitting here playing some drinking games and having conversation with everyone since about 9 o'clock and I have to say I am having a fairly fun time just drinking and picking out what girl I would like to hook up with for the night, But I must say I would really like to stay a night with Jesse and see what she is all about and why I hear about the crazy things that happen when she is in the mood to have a man with her for a night.

Danny and Matt should be back at any time now with another 24 pack of beer and we should be getting a little more drunk then we are at the moment but Danny had delayed going because all the girl's were nagging him to go so every time the did so he would have to drink one more beer before he departed. I will keep updated on the situation as I get more drunk throughout the night.

Steve: Danny is still gone so I will write once again another funny story that I seem to be chalk full of. Brittney is being a complete bitch at the moment so I will not waste my time with her. I'm completely lieing at the moment...I'm in love with Brittney and make up any excuse I can to talk to her.

We were just over at the neighbor's house talking about how Trever had just met the neighbor girl's about 2 months ago. We had talked about he had told her he had an off-road license so she would go with us to go four wheeling. We all had joked that her and Trever should hook up and have their own little thing going but turns out our new roommate Mark had a thing for her and Trever and the neighbor girl had a thing for hating each other. Very weird since I had a thing for her roommatethat Danny had been arguing with earlier in the night.

Now i Promise the next writing session will be from Danny because I have to go back next door and start getting more stories for this Blog. He should be back soon unless Matt has crashed my car just like he had crashed this girl Kelsey's before and he died in a tragic accident, which I highly doubt, stay tuned.

Danny:
"Oh, you must not have met me. I'm Danny. I fuck bitches like Jesse, only better looking."
Trever, Steve's roommate, was saying something about how Jesse was higher than my standards. Can't have shit like that floating around.

I guess that's the thing about me - people either hate me or love me. Steve and Matt love me. Jesse hates me...

... Can't really blame her.

I did say she looks like a turtle. Not a salmon.

As I write this, I am looking my shoulder. Last thing I need is to get hit in the back of the head by a petite bitch whose face looks like a salmon.

It's a quarter to two in the morning. Had a small altercation at the Wal-Mart.

"You're working graveyard at Wal-Mart for $8 an hour. Who the fuck are you to not sell me beer?"

Stupid fucking bitches!

That's really my life. Fighting with white trash bitches, whether they're the ones that work at Wal-Mart, or the ones who live by Steve and can't accept the fast they want to like my asshole - I guess stupid people resent any form of intelligence.

2:06 a.m. Have to do some reporting in a few hours. Bitches here are acting like a drug attic having withdrawls. Homeboys are still being cool.

You don't always know what to do at 2 in the morning when bitches are being hella dumb, all you want is a ho sitting on your cock, you're starting to sober up and realize Keystone Light taste like piss.

Maybe you shouldn't waste your life writing pointless blogs and fucking random bitches, you think to yourself.

Maybe you should write professional journalism and fuck women without STDs - which means you are in the wrong place right now.

Steve:

So Matt had just hit Brittany in the face as hard as he could. She is going to have a black eye for real. We are going to say that she had hit Matt and she had fallen on her face and got a bruise that looks like a handprint and continued to beat Matt in the face with her hand. They were talking about how she is nororious for taking it deep in the ass.

Danny:
2:06 a.m.

Fuck my life.

Steve:
Matt had threatened to smash a bear can over Brittany's head, it was fairly funny. I had sat here and taken the whole Jesse vs. Danny thing the whole night and I have to say it seems like Danny Isn't in the wrong at the moment. I think Jesse has trouble taking a joke from somebody who she has not met before. It is quite the bullshit story of her being mad about it. Danny is a good guy with intentions of just having a good night. But it's not my fault she has to be that way towards him right?

Anyways, I had just saw Matt tell Brittany as she recorded him that she had sucked his dick and he slapped her in the head and she fell over on a laughing Danny. It was funny as hell, I have never laughed harder in my life. I'm going to let Danny take over for a few, have fun hearing his story.

Danny:
It's a quarter to three right now. All the good looking girls have left; Kelsey and Brittany remain. No point in doing anything but drinking now.

Or ever.

Really, I feel out of my element here. I mean, I'm a somewhat respected intellectual around a bunch of cool ass dudes and dumb ass bitches that aren't 30 minutes into a 12-person fuckfest. What's the point of even being here?

Of course, chilling with Steve, Matt, Trever, Mikey and all the other fellas is definitely good. But still, these whores should know their places - on our cocks.

Not much to report at this point. I want to tell this Kelsey girl to walk the fuck home, but she is the type of ho to suck every swinging cock in this room, and I'm not the type to cockblock my homeboys, so I guess I'll put up with her whorish ignorance.

Story of my life.

Steve:

So Danny had just told one of the girl's that they were dumb at that they had to go home while she was playing some guitar hero. She blew him the fuck off and continued to play the game while he seemingly had talked to himself about the reasons why he did not appreciate them being there at that time.

Matt apparently is Danny's nigga. funny I should say that as they sprayed beer right over me and the computer that im typing on. But it's all good as we are having a fairly fun time tonight.

I had given a massage to Kiley, a girl that was over, and she had rated it a 8 out of 10, which is usually the score I get from people.

She is a cute girl and maybe I'll hang with her on apersonal level at some point but at the time she had left and I had just managed to get her number.

Still the neighbor girl though is being totally disregarding of Danny's humor. It is quite funny to me and I'm waiting for Danny to throw somebody over a ledge or maybe put a head in the door.

Danny:
It's just past 3:30 in the morning. I have realized that Matt and Steve and the downest mother fuckers in the world.

They are going to convince these dumb hoes to drink a pee beer.

Yes, a pee beer.

Steve:

Kelsey had just drank Danny's pee from a beer can. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. I dont know how else to explain it. It was simply the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life. I dont't know really what to say except that I'm crying from laughing so hard.

that's all I have to say.

Danny is going to get more beer right now and then we will continue to get drunk off our asses. But regardless it was the funniest thing I have ever experienced in my life.

here is Danny again

I think I might try and hook up with Brittany for a second. Hopefully it works.

Danny:

So some bitch was talking shit ... and then she drank a beer can full of piss.

Bitches shouldn't talk shit.

It's 4:06 a.m. Brittany confessed that she has been tag teamed and did not like it. Kelsey is looking for her phone. Trever and I just bought another 24 pack of Keystone Light. My knee hurts from jumping off a ledge.

And these bitches are yet to suck my dick.

Time to drink another dozen beers or so.

Steve:

Time to drink a dozen beers or so indeed. My friend Mikey is currently trying to hook up with a girl that I have had crush on for the longest time. Probably since I have moved in to this apartment complex. But he doesn't know how it is and I can't help but let him do it if he feels the urge and she wants him, you know?

It doesn'y matter, Danny is trying to get this girl to show her boobs and she will not do it. But it turns out that Matt has somewhat of a crush on Brittany so I will not allow her to be consumed by other guy's, espicially myself and Danny.

I don'y know what to do really about my situation. I probably will just let it go but I don't want too. I'm so confused.

Danny:

Danny is better looking the Steven.

I had tried to convince Brittany to show me her boobs, but Matt had told me that he had a careful feeling towards her so I had to appeal the feeling to ask her.

Also I forgot that maybe I have'nt mentioned that Kelsey had drank piss from a beer can.

I really think I should be starting my own televison show.

Steve:

Holy Shit, Matt had just made the best burrito's of all time. I had an orgasm in my mouth from eating it. It was the best thing ever when I have had been getting drunk from 5 in the morning. Given the weather I'm surprised I have let Matt drive my car around to get more alcohol.

The girl next store is still thinking that everything is okay when it really isn't. She is with my friend and it is really bothering me and I don't want to make a big deal of it.

But Danny is about to fall asleep so I think this is going to be the end of the real time, celebrity Blog that we have had throughout the night. It has been an insanely drunk night and it was a complete benefit to drink a my own place. Thank you for reading feelow followers.

With love, Steve and Danny.